Top Ten Reasons Why Women Are Set to Take Over the World
Women are slowly taking over the world.
For men, it's already too late. From the day that we gave up control and allowed women the right to vote, go out and get jobs and generally wear the trousers at home, the writing has been on the wall.
Men are sicker, live for less time, they are more likely to die at work, they can't get jobs – we’re even dying out genetically. Believe me guys, your time is almost up, and here are ten very good reasons why:
In America today, the recession has hit pretty much everyone to a degree. But did you know that guys were hit significantly worse than the girls?
Currently, 10.4% of men in the USA are unemployed, compared to only 8% of women. One of the reasons is that men are higher earners than women. At least, they were...
Even as babies girls seem to be one-upping the guys, as proven by recent statistics regarding infant mortality rates in the developed world. It's been shown that 30% more female babies survive the infant years than male babies, and even in China, where, with a deadly mixture of the one-child per family policy and the (insane!) belief that males are superior to women, leading to female babies being killed purposely, it's been shown that the infant mortality ratio still leans towards women!
So even if the baby boy survives through infancy, the odds are that, if he's an orphan, girls are still going to have it better.
Of all the adopted children in the USA (from both domestic and international sources) 64% of them are girls.
And given that adoption isn't an easy thing to do (you need to be rich and have a stable family environment), these adopted girls are generally going to better-than-average families, meaning a better start in life for them as well!
This is a weird one, but justified. One of the sneakiest ways in which women are slowly taking over the world is through infecting our water supplies. With cow (female) hormones!
Cows are typically given massive doses of hormones to make them produce more milk and for longer. The only trouble is, these hormones stay in their urine after they take a leak.
The urine goes directly into the ground water, which goes into the reservoirs, and ultimately is drunk by humans. And don't even get me started on the amount of female hormone-tainted meat and dairy products us guys consume...
According to psychologists, older women in the workplace who lived through years of gender inequality make much better leaders, thanks to the way sexism increased their strength of character.
Still, at least it allows us to start being sexist again - we can say it’s for their own good!
As if it wasn't bad enough that women were healthier, had more and better jobs, and are slowly getting richer, it seems they're a hell of a lot luckier as well.
Statistics show that in 2005, 5,328 men in the USA died as a result of workplace accidents, compared to just 406 women in the same year.
While guys still rule the roost at the top of the billionaires list, women are fast catching up. More business opportunities, better education, and better health mean that the ladies are slowly accumulating a nice little nest egg of their own.
The UK Telegraph newspaper recently reported that by 2025, women in Britain will control up to 65% of the country's wealth.
Admit it guys, we stink. For those of us who don’t have a woman around the house to help keep us on the straight and narrow (think bachelor pad), the simple truth is that us guys are a messy lot. So messy in fact, that the average male-only household contains 15 times more germs than homes with female occupants do.
The result is, more germs equals more colds, more flu and more general bugs and infections, all of which is thought to be a big contributor to Alzheimer's. So by the time we get to draw our pensions, guess who’s going to be pocketing it all?
The full effects of this may be some way off just yet, but we can see the precursors to it already. Slowly but surely, Y-Chromosomes are dying – they are far more susceptible to mutations than the female X-Chromosomes, and they're degrading (losing genes) at a rate that is twice the speed of its effeminate partner.
Some scientists theorize that within 5 million years, the X-Chromosome will die out completely. If you were hoping for a great, great, great, great (multiple by 10,000) grandson, it’s probably best you give that one up now.